Testimonies
Steve Corner
'What does Jesus Mean to Me ?'
I remember having a discussion with a member of the congregation last week,
whom I have never really spoken to properly before. I will not mention his
name but he asked me what it was that made me come to St Barnabas.
Well, I have been coming to St Barnabas all my life. My mother brought me
to church soon after I was born (not that I can remember it). Since then I
have progressed through all the children’s groups, which I loved attending,
and now aged 21 I am a Christian, with God helping me to do things I never
thought I would.
For any of you who remember me as a child, I was pretty shy and hated any
sort of attention. If I were asked to do anything at the front of church or in
front of people, I would think of any excuse to avoid doing it. I struggled
socially, talking to people I didn’t know was a definite ‘No No’, and
spent a lot of my childhood in my room on my own. When it came to Sunday I
loved it. I went to ‘Sunday School,’ I felt that I was excepted for who I
was. Like I have said I struggled to make friends (nothing like my two sisters
who would talk and make friends with anyone) but at church I felt that I had a
good group of friends that once a week I could have a laugh with. At an early
age, I took an interest in God and the teachings. But I struggled to make a
commitment.
My mother stopped attending church, and my dad is not religious, they were
never against me going to church, they actually encouraged me to go, and have
funded holidays and day trips over the years. But I felt quite alone and
confused at home. However I could always rely on my church friends to make me
feel good about myself each Sunday.
So I stuck with church, and eventually I went up to Pathfinders (a group
for those aged 11 to 14) and I remember that I had only been there a few weeks
when Ray Durant came up to me and asked if I was going on a weekend away. With
me being shy, I tried my best to come up with an excuse not to go. When I got
home my mother found the consent letter I had tried to hide in my pocket. My
father and mother assumed I was going and said they would be happy to pay for
it, saying it would do me good. I didn’t want to be ungrateful and tell them
that actually I didn’t want to go, so I decided that I would go, but wouldn’t
like it. How wrong I was. I loved it. I felt so at home within the group, I
loved the teaching, the games, and the worship, I didn’t want to leave. When
I got home I couldn’t wait to tell my parents everything I had done. But it
wasn’t long before I felt out of place again. All of my mates had family
connections within church. So it came to January and the idea of a summer camp
in Wales was brought up, I did the same thing again, hid the form, which my
mother found and I ended up going and loving every minute of it.
Between the age of 11 and 19 I was searching for answers and for God. At 19
I cracked and the confusion about what I believed had become too much, I had
never told any of my friends outside of church that I went, and I decided that
I would never be able to be a Christian. I was leading two lives, one at
church and another with my mates during the week, and I would not let the two
meet. I stopped going to church, I had no group to attend each week, and I
drifted from God. Then just before my 20th Birthday, only about a
month or two after I had decided to quit church for ever. I received a letter
about a new group, called ‘NEXT’. This intrigued me, and the same week I
met two people who knew I went to church, who I had only known about a month,
they told me that they were looking for a church to go to. So I took along two
friends to this new group. I had never before let my two lives come together.
I don’t know what I was so scared about. They both loved NEXT and St
Barnabas.
Since then I realised God was real and started praying and reading the
bible. God has opened so many doors for me. God has empowered me to do things
I never thought I would ever do. I now feel comfortable talking to people
about being a Christian, I might still go bright red and feel nervous, but God
has given me the strength and confidence to stand up in front of people and
talk, and run groups in discussion. I even lead the talks and worship sessions at the Pathfinder weekend away this year.
Since I let God into my life and decided not to be scared about what others
think of me, God has given me a new identity in him. The one thing I have
found since giving my life to God is the complete sense of peace he gives me
when I have been feeling guilty or depressed about a situation in my life.
God has spoken to me and answers my prayers through scripture. I was
filling my heart with guilt for a long time, and God spoke to a friend who
sent me a letter with a scripture verse on the top of it. At this time I was
distancing myself from God, but when I found that letter not long after
starting at NEXT it was about the exact thing I had been stressing about and
praying about for such a long time.
God has been so real in my life since my 20th birthday, and he
has done some great stuff in my life, and I praise God for this.
Matthew 17:20 – I tell you the truth, if you have
faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘move
from here to there’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible.
Since I took that step of faith and merged my two lives together, with the
help of God, I have been able to move the mountains that were stopping me
living my life for God. I love St Barnabas and its family atmosphere. Going
back to the very beginning of what I have said, the reason I have stuck with
the church is the fact that everyone I have spoken to within it, has made me
feel so welcome. I thank God for each of you, especially those friends who
have been with me through my hardest times.
So what does Jesus mean to me? He is my new identity, the one in which I
gain my strength, the one I base my life on. But more than anything, he is my
best friend who never lets me down, and when I am struggling knows just the
way to pick me up again, smack me over the head and push me forward.
6.11.06
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